Trends Hut

This week the whole world is caught up in Rep. Anthony Weiner's sexting/Twitter scandal. In other recent political meltdowns, Arnold Schwarzenegger and John Edwards both fathered children with women other than their wives. It's pretty hard for them to deny cheating. But what do we make of Rep. Weiner? Most of us would agree that his behavior is inappropriate at best. I'm not aware of who exactly he was in contact with or for how long – my guess is more information will continue to surface. But did he actually "cheat" on his wife? Should he lose his job and marriage because he had the extremely poor judgment to send explicit photos and texts like a haphazard teenager?
GALLERY: Out of character
The truth is, technology is moving so fast that many couples have never even discussed ground rules of what's OK and what's not with their spouses when it comes to behavior online. The case of Rep. Weiner is a good opportunity for couples to learn from his experience and to initiate a discussion with their significant others about where each one personally draws the line in terms of cheating.

The actual numbers vary every time there's a new major study, but we're all aware that cheating is prevalent in the U.S. For example, in a 2007 study of 70,000 adults, nearly half admitted to being unfaithful at some point in their lives. In the past decade numerous studies have pointed to the internet and new technology as a major cause of infidelity. But with so many new ways to communicate, what exactly constitutes cheating nowadays?
Certainly email and the anonymity of going online has emboldened many people to "say" things they wouldn't in person. It's much easier to convince yourself that flirting via email, IMing or texting is harmless – especially when you have no plans to ever meet that person. The problems often begin when the flirting escalates – maybe a twitter follower you don't even know flirts back, or your email exchange with the coworker across the country gradually becomes more and more intimate. It can be a very slow, gradual process to take it to the next level… you may technically consider none of it cheating. Of course, a spouse or significant other who discovers this activity may have a very different opinion. Online infidelity, virtual affairs – whether or not they include actual physical contact – have broken up many marriages. Ask any divorce lawyer about the Facebook phenomenon.
Facebook and other social media sites have been a wonderful tool for people to reconnect with those from their past and it's particularly tempting to track down "the one who got away." For a bored or unhappy spouse, rediscovering the love of their teen-age life again can be intoxicating. It's not just your everyday affair, when it comes to something like Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn or Twitter, you're reconnecting with a long-lost love. All those teen-age or college-age feelings come back, you may feel young again, and it drives you to do something you don't normally do. Particularly in this case, people get very caught up in fantasy – and forget about reality.
A marriage or intimate relationship hopefully involves a strong emotional connection with your partner. Whether you consider online flirting, sexting, etc. actually "cheating" or not, I can tell you one thing for certain: racing to your computer to contact someone else every night, starting to confide more and more intimate details of your personal life to someone via email, getting a jolt of excitement by taking and sending naughty photos or texts – all of these are absolutely taking time and energy away from your primary relationship. And that is never a strong foundation for success.